What would you do if you lost everything you owned?

I don't know. I guess I would sit down and cry. I once lost my freedom: I was locked up in a mental institution by my ex-husband whilst pregnant with my second child. I thought I had lost everything then....

So maybe I'll talk about that experience. I had asked for help from the health system because I could not sleep and no longer could eat due to too much stress and a destructive relationship which made me question whether being pregnant for the second time was a wise thing to do. I had come from a very abusive background and had flashbacks of child abuse (physical, emotional and sexual) from my most immediate carer and found it very hard to cope with. I was afraid I was going to hurt my daughter to be born in the same way my mother had.

Instead of getting the help so needed, I was locked up in a mental institution with people who had severe paranoia, suicidal tendencies and the lot. All my possessions were taken away, except for one book and a CD player. I had no shoes, my clothes were locked away...

That first night in this institution was gastly. I was so frightened. So lost. What was most difficult for me to cope wasn't the lost but the psychic misery of years of abuse and mental illness that I was picking up psychically. I didn't even know I was psychic then. When the sun came out that morning, I felt I was back from hell. But I soon learnt that I was not free to be me anymore. I had to take medicine that numbed me. I walked around in a mixed ward with paper slippers and an old nightgown that wasn't even mine, my lovely curly long hair looking like a mop. I wasn't allowed shampoo or conditioner to "make it right". But this didn't really matter...

I was made to queue for meals, queue for medication... I had no clue where my four year old son was. I wasn't allowed a call for what seemed like decades. I cried. I cried and slept. And cried some more. I wouldn't eat. That night, I asked God to die. But he didn't hear my call. I am glad that he didn't. Today.

The nurses were very sweet and loving: real angels. But the psychiatric in charge was a bully and had such a big ego that we were his things. You couldn't see him, you had to be invited. And there was no way you could know when you would be able to see him. Typical. He discharged me after a week without even making sure there was after care.... for someone who prescribed me what is referred to as a "chemical straight jacket" I call this total lack of ethics.

It took me years to get over this experience. Even today as I write about it for the first time "publicly" I can feel the emotion coming to the surface and I find it hard to contain. I hope I have not dumped too much on you reader... this is no light stuff.

Why I am doing this? I guess to show that as long as there is life, there is hope.

No need to say that the man who locked me up is no longer my husband.... but it had implications during our divorce because I lived in the fear that he would take the children away... he was a lawyer...

Now I am fearless. I know that there is nothing that can break my soul.

Thank you for listening.

Blessings to all

Anges, the Soul Awakener