Help
Sign In
calling
October 2009 
What in your life gives you the most satisfaction?
Anges
Watching my children growing up into fine human beings.
My elder son has just turned 14. He has Asperger Syndrome and ADD... and when I was reading the paper yesterday about the recent advance in the understanding of Autism something in me shouted "I don't want you to fix my son". He is just beautiful inside out. He has a wisdom very few have and a unique point of view on humans and this planet that I couldn't do without. He is so strong in the knowledge of his own truth... he can't suffer fools gladly but also has a vision of children his age that is very refreshing although sometimes not very compassionate (that's the autism kicking in).
My daughter is about to turn 10 and although she has a tendency to feel sorry for herself sometimes, I marvel at her creativity, her imagination, her kindness... her open heart. As some of you know, she struggles to make friends in school because she has been labelled as "uncool" because she is not into make up and doesn't have three mobile phones (in fact she doesn't even have one yet LOL). She reminds me of a painting of Boticelli and I rejoice in seeing her grow up.
My youngest son had turned 3 a month ago and I delight in his newly acquired command of speach. His little voice is the loudest in the house. He has five older brothers and sisters (my partner has three grown up children from his first marriage) so he finds it very difficult to be so small and considers there has been a terrible mistake and he has been unduly trapped in a little body but really he is thirty getting on three. He has just started French school to keep his French alive as it was vanishing fast... and although it's still a bit of a painful experience, I know he will soon feel perfectly at ease with his double roots.
I know it's not much, it's only my children but knowing that I have not transmitted my neurosis and my parents' total madness to them feels good. It took over a decade of psychotherapy and almost that much more of self development and I am not saying that I did a perfect job but it seems that I did an OK job.
I feel strongly about helping other parents be OK parents despite their disfunctional backgrounds... but also help children be themselves, their own authentic truth being accepted exactly as they are without feeling that they have to fit into a tiny square slot to have their own place in society....
Namaste
Access: Public
What beautiful children. I love how you described all of them. I love how you are helping them be themselves, their authentic selves. Blessings to all of you!
What a beautiful answer!
I've got tears swimming in my eyes and a lump in my throat just now…
:)
Your beautiful, bittersweet description of your children is so moving.
Your love for them just spills out all over the page, and your unconditional acceptance and embracing of who they are is utterly gorgeous.
Kudos to you for the hard work of recovering and becoming the healthy mother your children need!
You're wrong though, when you say it's “not much”.
It's HUGE.
It's the most important job in the world, hands-down.
Raising “fine human beings” is what will make a difference in this world.
And they are BEAUTIFUL - what a wonderful picture of three happy children!!
Blessings to you and your family Anges!
:)
Yes! Yes! Yes! I love this, and YOU!! You are an inspiration to all of us, especially with 'imperfect' childhoods. [Who had a perfect one anyway? lol]
Taking responsibility for our own lives and futures is more accessible and available than many automatically think; what we pass on is definitely a choice!
We all were perfectly made; gosh, the idea of anybody but myself, inspired, 'fixing' me just scares me! What needs fixing is the perception that people who do not fit some absurd profiling are flawed! I just thought about if somebody had 'fixed' Stevie Wonder's visual disability!
I do think that mothering is absolutely the most significant job in the world; and so, I disagree completely when you say it's not much! And I know you worked successfully in the corporate structure, so you have something to compare with!
I hope you will share this blog on Women at the Crossroads when you can spare a moment from doing a wonderful job as a human!
Loving you totally! Sherrilene
You are so right Sherrilene - the world's perception is what needs fixing - this narrow idea of a mold everyone should fit into!
I can't stand the word “normal”…I think it should be outlawed.
Valerie, Kathy and Sherri, your entries brought tears to my eyes. I really didn't expect such warm and loving comments because I don't think much of what I do. In a way, it's almost funny because I tell all my clients (I specialise in women and children) who are Mums how undervalued their job is as mothers… and here I am doing the same.
But something in me values my role as a mother because I can see that I am doing an OK job. And as you all know, it was really not a given when I was born on this planet. I suppose (some of you might know) that it is probably even harder for those of us who have had abuse in our childhoods to get things right. And I am not even pretending that I got things right. It's just that my children seem to be happy… and relatively confident…
A few years ago, I went to see a clairvoyant who said to me “Anges, I can see that when your children grow up you will become a friend for them. This is quite unusual as there are so many parents who cannot really listen and be there for their children. They will want to be close to you and will confide in you and trust your opinion and advice.” This brought tears to my eyes because it was nearly impossible (and still is) for me to talk to my parents about anything. I remember particularly confiding on my heart pains as a teenager to my mother, only to realise horrified that two years down the line she lashed back at me on a day when she lost it saying things like “you will never have friends and a decent love life. You are incapable of making friends. You have as much judgement as an idiot” and so on. This was the most painful day of my life and I never told her anything about my life from that point on…. how sad. To know that I was able to transform such an experience into something fruitful for my own children… and that I am able to trust in their widsom and strength despite the fact that as a Mum you would like to shield them from all trials and challenges… put balm on my broken heart.
I am getting a little too emotional here. Sorry. And yes I agree with you that motherhood is one of the most important jobs in the world. And it took quite a few years for me to take on my job as a Mum to its full potential because as Sherri mentioned it, I was a career woman before I had children and I had much to lose (or did I really?). Now I rejoice in the fact that although I am a lot less rich in terms of money, I can watch my children grow, go to their school plays… have them home with me when they are sick… and all the things that Mums sometimes do wholeheartedly.
How can any job (although my job as a lightworker is probably the second most satisfying job I have after being a Mum) beat that? There again, I consider that I am so priviledged to have children… when so many don't or can't… and to have pretty amazing children too…
Time to shut up LOL
Blessings to you all from a happy Mum
delightful, truly wonderful, Anges! Hugs!
I sit here with tears filling my eyes and a smile on my face. You are clearly a mom who knows her children… and they are beautiful children. I find it so hurtful when other children just don't understand that individuality is what really makes the world go round. Just imagine if the Great Masters had been told how or what to paint… the same is true of children. Each child is beautiful and unique… no fixing needed… they are each just right.
Keep up the excellent work as a Mum. Your children's happiness is written all over their faces!
Hugs!
-Susan
That is great that you don't want them to change, that you see them as good just the way they are even if society might beg to differ. I can tell you love them very very much. :)
Your words were like a healing balm as I read your answer to today's question. It was like being bathed in a blessing as each word poured over me.
Oh Laurie, thank you for your words too that feel like a healing balm… it works both ways.
Emmy, I saw that you have a sibling quite a bit younger than you are… welcome to my world. Armand is 11 years older than Nicholas and I am not sure I am finished as there is a little girl out there in spirit that has been calling me Mummy for a few years now. I say jokingly that Nicholas high jacked her turn!!!
Nicole, thanks for stopping by. Your presence is always a blessing.
:-))))
It is a Great Work, the work of a lifetime, and you are a wise woman to know it.
All I can do is echo what everyone else here is saying. Your tribute to your precious, beautiful children moved me to tears. You are an awesome mom and you will be blessed with their love and respect and frendship for many many years to come. You've given them the gift of self-hood, and in this life, with all its ups and downs, they are blessed to be free to be who they authentically are.
Hi Sandi, Hi Ingebrita
Thank you for your posts. Every Mum is a great Mum and should be honoured for her dedication, not only on Mother's day. Thank you for your kinds words.
I think for me, I feel it's my responsibility to raise human beings who will be responsible and by this I mean aware and able to manage their feelings… respectful, honest (emotionally and in all other aspects) and true to themselves. There are still so many kids who are messed up… by the people who look after them. And to be frank, I didn't do such a good job to start with (I had good intents) but for example, I was really not very good at boundaries. I asked for help… and I got some. It's made a world of difference. I thought I was helping my children by giving them all my love but I wasn't. It was an illusion. Now, I say “Mummy's busy” “Wait right now until I can really give you attention”…. there is more structure and more respect for me as a Mum… and they are a lot easier and a lot more balanced. Its all a learning curve, isn't it?
Love to you
Thank you all for stopping by. Blessings your way
We all could learn so much from you with your honesty. Your point about giving attention resonates with me. Is it serving the greater good to give too much of self? I think it develops a false relationship with reality and the effort that goes into that giving; it minimises its value or even invalidates you… Just processing recent thoughts and experiences.
Thank you again for your openness.
Love and hugs to you, Sherrilene
Thank you Sherri. I think I have appreciated everyone who has stopped by, that includes obviously you, Sherri, because I have felt a lot of respect and I have felt listened to. I was going to say it's hard to admit your own mistakes but it's not… what is hard is when people judge you. I had that recently: I apologised for something I said which wasn't very diplomatic and instead of thanking me for apologising or doing something nice in return, the person insisted that I had done something wrong and really I shouldn't do it again (excuse me, did you just listen to me: I offered an apology from the heart - why do you have to humiliate me on top of it).
I know I am digressing but I guess I want to tell you all guys how great it is to feel supported and loved as you are: warts and all. LOL
FLowerchildatheart, thank you. Can I please give you a HUGE HUG and to your little girl inside. I love you both.
Namaste