Self love. I give give give... or I think I do anyway. I find it hard to give to myself. Or to let others have a space to give me. But I am learning because It is not healthy to have things one way... and if you always give but don't know how to receive it is a form of control.

So I let go of control and let life's blessings come my way. Thank you LOL

I find it in everything but mainly in nature and children. But also a lot in girlfriends too - in friendships.

Children are the closest to divinity and sacredness because they are totally in the present moment and totally (sometimes brutally) honest - until they start school and they are taught to "behave". They are our biggest teachers. We're not. We have unlearnt to do so many things like:

- trust

- be grateful

- shine

- be confident

- be generous

- enjoy the present moment

And I could go on and on and on. Sometimes though I feel sad when I see children's parents who are trying to impose their "ADULTHOOD" (or should I say sadness and greyness) onto their child in the pretense of educating them.

This will change... it has too.

Love

Anges

My relationship with God and the angels: it's taken me a lot of hard work on myself but I finally trust that the Universe provides and that when you are attuned to God's will and wanting to serve God: you are provided for. In fact I have dedicated my path, work, mission, life plan to serving God and the angels and it is so rewarding and so plain amazing that it's hard to put it in words.  

What is also wonderful at the moment is my relationship to my children. I feel so blessed to be a Mum although it is also hard work: balance is hard to keep. You can so easily burn out that you have to have the discipline to say no gracefully and without guilt and also to say "i've had enough, Mummy needs a break".

I have a range from 13 years old to 2 years old with a 9 year old in the middle and each one of them has a beautiful side to him/her. My teenage son (Asperger or Indigo child and clairvoyant although wouldn't admit it alive with his friends or Dad around) is fascinating and we have a wonderful relationship - although I sometimes get a bit annoyed when I have to talk to him through a locked door... my 9 year old girl (crystal, clairvoyant and an amazing healer if she puts her heart into it) is as beautiful as I would ever have dreamt in my wildest dreams (and people tell me she looks like me too - WOW that's too much) and sometimes she annoys me by dropping clothes and bits of creative things all over the house... and my two year old son (a crystal too - natural healer) nis a darling although he believes firmly in his mind that he is an adult and gets crossed when treated like a toddler.

Hope your lives are wonderful too.

Namaste

Am I in the right place, with the right person, doing the right thing?

Most of the time, I believe I do. But then sometimes when things are not as easy as I want them to be, I question and I doubt. I know this is part of my learning. After all, I teach my students to trust and to follow signs so why is it so difficult for me to do?

Having to live day by day is the only way yet it is quite unnerving. I guess I am still wrapped up in my upbringing when it was good to have money in the bank, a pension, a job for life... a marriage for life (for the majority). All this is gone. We now have to permanently adapt, change, transform...

I realised recently in my art therapy class that I have not felt I had a secure home for years. This came out in a really funny way as I depicted my family as a family of snails with each one of us with his or her individual house on their back. Was it my own doing? Or the instability of the life around me? Have I now found the peace in me to be ok with everything: not quite but working on it.

Maybe my question is: when I am going to find peace?

I wish I could be more positive but that's how I feel today faced with this question.

I felt like sharing some of my story that is very intimate and probably not very original but here you go. In my family circle I am silenced. There are things I cannot say.

My mother sexually abused me as a baby and then as a toddler. I am the only one who claims such a thing. I know she abused my brother too, I am not too sure about my sister. Neither of them remember anything. They live in the blissful ignorance of amnesia. As I did for a long time until I had my children. 

Then I started to be haunted by flashbacks about her introducing things in me... hurting me as she changed my nappies... etc. I don't want to get too technical here because my point is not too upset anyone. I also had the strange compulsion to want to kick people whenever I tried to lie on a couch to have a bit of a relaxing time. My sex life is also affected too. Not as bad as it could be but really i could do with being freed from the whole experience.

No one will ever believe me if I dare to say what happened in my family. I already have the label of being the crazy one... and my mother protrays herself to others as the perfect mum: open, loving, etc. The fact of the matter is she is deeply mentally ill and I have forgotten her. The problems nowadays is that I am being judged by my siblings for keeping my children away from her and my Dad. I can't say why. In fact I have hinted without getting too much into details when my brother had children (much later than me - nearly ten years after me). I just said to him that it wasn't safe to leave his children in the care of my mother.

It is a common fact that "victims" of sexual abuse are silenced. Their credibiliy is tainted. One finds all kind of faults in them for either having attracted the problem in the first place or for making it up to attract attention. This is what I feel is awaiting me if I was to speak about what happened.

Instead I have moved abroad where I have started a new life. I am at a point in my life where I am able to look at this dark part of my life. I am still unsure whether these flashbacks are tricks of my imagination.... but when I find that my hands could be tempted to inappropriately touch my son when I change this nappy (which I would never dream of), then I can't denie it any longer.

Thank you for reading my story. It helps to take it out because keeping it in would take too much room in me. I don't want to be seen as a victim. I just am someone with a life experience. Many times in my childhood I wanted to die or leave my family. I was convinced I had been abandonned by my real family. Now I understand I was angry at my angel for allowing this to happen. But I also know I have chosen to incarnate in this family. And I also know why.

I am strong. I feel beautiful and this picture that I made last week in my art therapy class is the story of what I just said. I am glad I was finally able to gather the courage to talk about it and to put it in images.

I know that what she did to me, was done onto her. These things don't just appear out of thin air. I have a very sick family tree... I send it healing too. Thank God I am a healer. Or maybe it is because I am a healer that I was sent to this family to end a chain of misery.

My children have been sheltered from all this. I don't know when the time will be right for me to share my life experience with them. Maybe after the death of my mother...

Anyone has experienced anything similar who could give me some insight on how to handle this?

Namaste

I really want to make an entry about this miracle here on Gaia.

Firstly because it is probably the first time in a long long time that a miracle makes it on the front news. In contrast, saturday morning as soon as I put the radio on, I was back to murders, embezzlements, credit crunchies and other disasters.

True, it has a taste of a disaster avoided but what a refreshing thing to hear about a miracle on the news over and over. So Friday 16th of January 2009 was definitely different from that point of view.

Would some of you wish that more miracles and positive news made it to the front page of your papers? Should we share our miracle stories.

Today in my inspirational letter, I challenged my readers by asking what is a miracle? Sometimes it is something nearly invisible that we can so easily miss. It's rarely as big as an aeroplane.

I have lucky that I have seen miracles. But I have also seen other people witness miracles and label it as luck or coincidence. The word miracle would not have passed their lips because they didn't have that magic mindset that miracles need to come to life.

I can think of one miracle that happened in my life (in fact much more than that but this one sprang to mind when I was thinking about miracles). A couple of years back I woke up one day with the realisation that I had been imposing illness on my own body to obtain love from unreachable people, without success. I decided on the back of this amazing realisation (nobody told me) that I would never use illness and punish myself in such a way. Now that was a miracle. A shift of significant change of mind that literally transformed my life and propelled me on my path as a healer....

Would you like to share your miracle stories with me?

Blessings to you all

By realising that fear is an illusion.

Most of the things you fear most are not as horrible as you think anyway and the likelihood of them happening is minute. But most important, you need to realise that by giving time to your fears, you make them more real in your mind and you get sucked into negative thinking which creates a vortex attracting the very thing that you want to avoid most.

The clue is to observe your mind in a detached way: and seeing fears for what they are: inconsequential. What is real is what is happening now. If something happens, deal with it when it happens, don't spoil your life by living in the fear that you will die, lose your job, your boyfriend/lover, your house... it doesn't work that way.

And also recognise that we all have fears. It is what we do with them that distinguishes us.

Fear triggers worry and worry is a TOTAL WASTE OF TIME. As the Dalai Lama said: either you have a problem that has a solution which means that you don't need to worry about it, or it does not have a solution, in which case worrying about it won't change a thing.

Next is to realise that it is pointless to categorise everything as either good or bad. Things just are. Most of the time, you can fear something because you think it's bad only to realise after it happened that it might have been the best thing that happened in your life.

I understand my post might not sit well with a lot of people but I feel very strongly about it. But I have walked the talk and I still do. It can take a life time to manage this issue.

Mr Mikao Usui, the father of modern Reiki had five principles of life:

JUST FOR TODAY, DO NOT WORRY
JUST FOR TODAY DO NOT ANGER
EARN YOUR LIVING HONESTLY
SHOW GRATITUDE TO EVERY LIVING THING
RESPECT YOUR TEACHERS, ELDERS AND PARENTS

These are extra simple principles that can take a lifetime to master. But maybe that's the reason why we are still here in the first place.

Blessings your way

Meet my beautiful and amazing blue monster: it's me.

As a mosaicist and artist I look at things differently.

I love broken things because they can fit into my creative pieces. As soon as a mug is chipped or broken... it sets me on a creative path of transformation. But before doing that, I need to also honour the fact that the mug wasn't always broken. Honour also the fact that the fact that it is broken or chipped might make it more beautiful. It brings a sense of living to it. It makes it different from the one you find on a supermarket shelf... it brings a uniqueness to it.

I do get upset (or used to) when my things deteriorated and got broken. I had a lot of new things broken by my siblings when I was little and never seemed to keep a doll pristine for more than a few hours. It usually wasn't me who did the damage. But maybe I also forgot the times when I damaged someone else's toys. So when I see that some object around my house has been damaged, it gets me upset.

The artistic process and healing process has helped me go past that first reaction. It has also helped me see signs of aging, in objects and people, as beautiful marks of lessons learnt and challenges mastered... of getting closer to wisdom...

I also used to dislike what I consider "ugliness". Maybe the bourgeois intellectual background I came from which valued artistic creations for their aesthetics... imposed a pressure on the beautiful for me. I am slowly breaking free from the mould. Art therapy has helped me with that recently. That's where this blue monster come from. Just by just looking inside me, I saw this blue monster... and instead of shying away from it, I learnt to love it and to see the beauty in it. Just by looking, instead of being afraid of looking. And then it was still a monster, but it became beautiful as a monster.

But when all is said and done, I still want to inspire through my art. I want to lead people through a pleasant experience... I don't like to shock. I don't like to hurt. I am still contained in the limits of my own aesthetics. Maybe because I aim at lifting and inspiring. And how can you do that by showing things that make people feel down...

In the same breath, when clients come to me, I never have the "poor her" vision. I immediately see their strengths and their beauty, beyond what is visible to the eye. Whether they are battered women, terminally ill, chronically ill, homeless... all I see is their beauty and that is what I reflect back to them to give them the inspiration to be the beautiful being that they are: warts and all. People are already perfect as they are.

A good day to you

I want to know for sure that there is a reversal of ideals on this planet and that the materialistic, war driven, let's beat them, survival of the strongest, unethical, competitive and ruthless world that we swim in is on its way out.

I want to understand how each and every single one of us can help in that massive overhaul.

Will you join me?

I can only smile at this question.... but to be true to my path I wouldn't have recognised one if I had had one a few years ago. I just never questioned it.

As a baby, I had instant likes and dislikes in the family that still run strong and that were confirmed as correct to me as years passed by. Call it psychic, call it a BS detector... I could read people at their soul level from the moment I looked at their eyes.

Since then... several experiences but probably the first one that I can still recall with a strong sense of awe when I was a University - so probably in my early twenties. A gap year in England - where I now live. I had just met an adorable Jewish American girl that fascinated me and who was very friendly. She had just come for her gap year too and fate placed us opposite each other at a welcome dinner. She was a media student, I was a law student. She confided in her troubles which envolved her brother back home who had gone into a coma literally days before she was due to come study in England. She had agonised for hours whether to come to England or stay back home to wait for her brother to get better.

The night following our encounter, I had a dream. I saw her brother and he told me: I am going to snap out of it. Tell Wendy I am going to be OK. I woke up feeling really weird really not knowing what to do. I kept on thinking it was only a dream and probably the fruit of my very active wishful imagination. I had read more about the subconscious and dreams than about psychic experiences then... LOL

After a whole morning of wondering what to do, I shared my dream with my new friend. I said: it's only a dream. But the smile on her face said everything. Then of course my mind told me that I played with her feelings and what if he got worse and died!

I didn't have time to agonise much about it because as soon as the time difference allowed her to call her family in Boston, my friend called, only to find out that her brother had snapped out of it. Phew!!! But the story continues. Because when I went to visit her in the USA a couple of years later, I met her brother and recognised him from the dream I had.

Sweet, isn't it? I hope you liked it. I do. It's a very fond memory.

Anyway... now I am a professional tarot reader and I get these impressions with my eyes open. What a fabulous world it is.

Namaste