My dear friends on Gaia,

I have made the decision after a few challenging weeks in my private life to disengage temporarily from forums, emails and social networking. There are several reasons for this:

• I realised it was taking more and more of my time and that prevented me from progressing other important areas of my life
• I have been a member to too many communities and as a result have not done them justice, although Gaia has been by far my favourite due to the people I have connected with (but equally I have heard stories from friends who have shown it is not as safe as I thought it would be)
• My three year old son broke his leg two weeks ago and this has taken a huge toll on my life especially with his big brother and sister being home from school and the summer being here
• I am in the process of finishing writing a book that is very dear to me and I need all the time I can gather to polish it
• I need more time to do my art - which nourishes my soul and makes me who I am and I haven't had enough time for that recently
• Recently, I have been more active on Twitter (theSoulAwakener) and Facebook and find that these media are more suited to my needs.
• I have also decided to start my own independent blog on http://thesoulawakener.wordpress.com/

I would be happy for any of you to keep in touch through email (send me your email in a direct message) or through direct messaging. Or connect with me via Twitter or Facebook (sorry I only allow guys to chat with me on Facebook). I would love to hear from you all.

In the meantime, I wish you a very good summer and many blessings of love and light

Anges

No one can make me happy but myself.

This being said, I have a dream that everyone would take care of their own baggage and work on their peace and happiness. So as a collective, i would be happy when the planet will be inhabited by human beings who will responsibility manage their emotions, treat others with respect and integrity and who will treat the earth like it is the jewel that it is.

I have a dream that no child would ever again be abused, neglected, starved or sacrificed.

I have a dream that we would live a paradise on this earth with balance between male and female principles.

This would make me happy.

I don't know. I guess I would sit down and cry. I once lost my freedom: I was locked up in a mental institution by my ex-husband whilst pregnant with my second child. I thought I had lost everything then....

So maybe I'll talk about that experience. I had asked for help from the health system because I could not sleep and no longer could eat due to too much stress and a destructive relationship which made me question whether being pregnant for the second time was a wise thing to do. I had come from a very abusive background and had flashbacks of child abuse (physical, emotional and sexual) from my most immediate carer and found it very hard to cope with. I was afraid I was going to hurt my daughter to be born in the same way my mother had.

Instead of getting the help so needed, I was locked up in a mental institution with people who had severe paranoia, suicidal tendencies and the lot. All my possessions were taken away, except for one book and a CD player. I had no shoes, my clothes were locked away...

That first night in this institution was gastly. I was so frightened. So lost. What was most difficult for me to cope wasn't the lost but the psychic misery of years of abuse and mental illness that I was picking up psychically. I didn't even know I was psychic then. When the sun came out that morning, I felt I was back from hell. But I soon learnt that I was not free to be me anymore. I had to take medicine that numbed me. I walked around in a mixed ward with paper slippers and an old nightgown that wasn't even mine, my lovely curly long hair looking like a mop. I wasn't allowed shampoo or conditioner to "make it right". But this didn't really matter...

I was made to queue for meals, queue for medication... I had no clue where my four year old son was. I wasn't allowed a call for what seemed like decades. I cried. I cried and slept. And cried some more. I wouldn't eat. That night, I asked God to die. But he didn't hear my call. I am glad that he didn't. Today.

The nurses were very sweet and loving: real angels. But the psychiatric in charge was a bully and had such a big ego that we were his things. You couldn't see him, you had to be invited. And there was no way you could know when you would be able to see him. Typical. He discharged me after a week without even making sure there was after care.... for someone who prescribed me what is referred to as a "chemical straight jacket" I call this total lack of ethics.

It took me years to get over this experience. Even today as I write about it for the first time "publicly" I can feel the emotion coming to the surface and I find it hard to contain. I hope I have not dumped too much on you reader... this is no light stuff.

Why I am doing this? I guess to show that as long as there is life, there is hope.

No need to say that the man who locked me up is no longer my husband.... but it had implications during our divorce because I lived in the fear that he would take the children away... he was a lawyer...

Now I am fearless. I know that there is nothing that can break my soul.

Thank you for listening.

Blessings to all

Anges, the Soul Awakener

Nearly everything one thing after another...

I call it the peeling of the onion, the necessary shedding of old skins.

I lost my marriage...

I lost my parents... still alive but had to let them go... to be able to reconstruct something smaller but better

I lost my brother... don't know if I will have him back in my space yet.

I lost my home.... but willingly

I lost my country... again willingly

I lost my job... willingly but painful to reinvent me as the Soul Awakener

I lost my identity... my sanity... my opinions....

and after I did all this: I found me.

The real, the new, the eternal me...

I want to be totally me :-) from today... and I am... that I am... :-)